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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypso
March 21, 2005: Came a mailing from the Prince of Platters in the Netherlands the other day. Along with musical wisdom it contained a reprint of a piece by Bill Moyers. In it, Moyers deplores the large number of Christians in America who think prophesies found in the book of Revelation will come true. He particularly bemoans those who believe the Apocalypse is right around the corner; seeing that belief as a denial of the hopeful future vision he espouses. Which sounds rather like an eternal hike to perfectibility on a road paved with good intentions and oodles of OPM. But why knock sudden intervention by The Rock? Or characterize belief in it as gloomy? If the four horsemen come riding riding riding the result could be a glass half full. For instance:

1) The Housing Bubble will never deflate and property values never decline. While it's true that future equity will go unmined, debts run up in the name of that equity will never come due.

2) When faced with infinite space, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) will declare the housing crisis over and FHA mortgage fraud a thing of the past. But don't bank on it.

3) New Jersey's twisted pols & players would finally get U.S. Attorney Christopher J. Christie off their backs. Though they might find his replacement even more disconcerting.

4) Northeast mega developer and generous-to-a-fault political contributor Charles Kushner would beat spending 2 years in prison for video taping his brother-in-law with a hooker. The one Kushner hired in hopes of blackmailing his bro out of testifying re Kushner's illegal political contributions. Plus, Kushner's rumored video collection of pols assuming Kama Sutra positions with poultry would definitely be destroyed. Not so hot for Kushner, but pols and poultry will hallelujah.

5) Mayor Joseph DeStefano of Middletown, New York won't have to pay his parking tickets or hassle with any more lawsuits. Nor sweat like a rookie realtor to rent out HUD bucked office space.

6) In Springfield, Massachusetts, the fetuses aka unborn babies found buried in bottles on the grounds of a Springfield Housing Authority apartment complex will finally meet their daddies. If the daddies do the hot spot, babes can still wave from on high.

7) Even if the Supreme Court comes down on the wrong side of Kelo vs. New London, Connecticut, municipal governments will never steam roll anther nabe with eminent domain in order to pass the shovel ready remains along to a "preferred developer" for a song. The ditty? What Have You Done For Me Lately.

8) The last gasping blue collar neighborhood of Park South in Albany, New York will go to a far far better place. Rather than being turned into a giant student flop by Mayor Jerry Jennings, the Albany Community Development Agency, the Albany Local Development Corporation, the University Heights Crew and oh yes-- eminent domain.

9) Legislators in both Kentucky and Ohio can stop pretending they'll ever produce the home buying reforms everybody said were needed after the 2002 mortgage fraud driven collapse of Peoples Bank of Northern Kentucky. Bill Erpenbeck, the developer who launched the frauds that collapsed the bank won't need to file any more appeals of his long prison sentence. And John Finnan and Marc Menne, the bank honchos who floated the developer who launched the fraud that collapsed the bank won't see the end of their shorter ones.

10) In Texas, KB Home will finally be rid of that aggravating Janet Ahmad at Homeowners For Better Building (HOBB). Plus all Texas builders will be even more protected than they already are from consumer legal actions. Though the binding arbitration clause in their final contract may mean they spend eternity sucking moldy lemons.

11) There will be no more taxpayer funded uber-development on the Jersey Gold Coast. Mayor Dave "Reform" Roberts in Hoboken won't be able to give away the last 10 square feet of open space. The Westside Stadium in Manhattan will never be built. And in every post-industrial city in the USA, the word "revitalization" will never again cross the lips of crooks surrounded by cronies.

12) Since supermarket lines will no longer exist no one will ever get stuck staring at a cover of Cosmopolitan touting 58 Fabulous New Ways to Do It With Poultry (paging Charles Kushner) and featuring a hitherto comely female star transformed into that Cosmo Girl from the bath tub scene in The Shining.

Since not everyone is an optimist, here's the half empty:

1) The people of Providence, Rhode Island won't be able to welcome X Mayor Vincent "Buddy" Cianci back from prison with a brass band parade. Nor will their Buddy get to clobber any more romantic rivals with logs, threaten ex-girlfriends, hob nob with bag men or give anyone a helping of his signature sauce.

2) X Governor John Rowland of Connecticut won't get to show his former constituents that his new found humility isn't just court-wear. And U.S. District Judge Peter C. Dorsey won't have nearly enough time to explain why he gave John-Boy less slammer time than even his plea bargainers expected.

3) In New York State, Governor George Pataki will be robbed of his chance to explain just where he was when the massive, federal and state funded Erie Canal revitalization project went on the rocks of cronyism and mismanagement. While New York gubernatorial hopeful Eliot Spitzer will never be able to tell voters about how hard he fought to bring Erie Canal miscreants to justice. In fact, a whole barge load of pols who signed off on the project for a period of years will miss their chance for some "splaining". Nor will citizens in New Jersey ever find out how much money Jon Corzine is willing to pay for the office of governor. Or how he plans to spin his overwhelming support from the very same pols who helped make Jersey The Shackle Shack.

4) In Ohio, HUD won't be able to root out the corruption and mismanagement in its programs that it's never been able to root out.

5) On the national front, American voters will miss seeing Godzilla rassle Megalon for the presidency. (Though some might think missing Hillary vs. Condoleeza a half-full item.)

6) UBL will never be caught. No biggy though. The real bad is that our eternal hike to Mid East perfectibility on a road paved with good intentions and OPM will be aborted. Unless Dubya can make God see WMD and grasp ODM. As in, Our Divine Mission.

Macro to Micro

Finally, if the big A comes tomorrow folks in the Capital Region of upstate New York will never find out who killed Peter Porco. The fate of Aaron Dare will remain as mysterious as that of Virginia Dare. The assets of Alexander Salvagno will never be fully discovered and Albany County Prosecutor David Soares will never get a chance to reopen the case of cop-shot David Scaringe. No public apologies by Albany officials re Scaringe will ever be issued-- at least not here on earth. Amtrak's New York City to Albany bullet train will never shoot into the 53.1 million dollar rebuilt Rensselaer station. (The last may be moot since Amtrak has aborted the bullet.) Proud Albanians in their beautiful homes will never hear Governor Pataki say why-oh-why didn't I realize Albany is as close to heaven as it gets and the Albany Times Union won't get a chance to enlighten its readers with consistent and contextual local political coverage. Plus those in Albany who blog against The Machine (or more accurately the part of The Machine oiled by Mayor Jerry Jennings) but don't use their names will never get the chance to do so. Hence, their courage will go unsung.

Except of course, by the angels.

Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff

"Behold he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him"

Revelation 1:7

"He's been gone for such a long he's back and things will be fine."

My Boyfriend's Back, The Angels, 1963

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Copyright (c) 2005 by Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff. This material may be freely distributed subject to the terms and conditions set forth in the Open Publication License. This license relieves the author of any liability or implication of warranty, grants others permission to use the Content in whole or in part, and insures that the original author will be properly credited when Content is used. It also grants others permission to modify and redistribute the Content if they clearly mark what changes have been made, when they were made, and who made them. Finally, the license insures that if someone else bases a work on this Content, that the resultant work will be made available under the Open Publication License as well.

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