May 8, 2007: Oh gee we're stuck in Iraq. No turning back. Can't give Dubya the
sack till 2008. What about our new date? Let's Ask Addie...
I've been engaged to my fiancee (I'll call her Mallory) for some
time. Marriage seems a done deal. But I'm worried. Mallory's been
around the block. She did 2 turns in the people's house with a
sleazy squeeze who had a strawberry on the side. Yet Mallory
still relies on him for fund raising and political clout. I'm
afraid if I marry her, this guy will slink back and redo the do
in our oval office. Plus, Mallory rolled over for Dubya in 2002.
So I figure she won't be good in Iraq. Still, friends in high
places have already paid for the honeymoon. I don't want to
disappoint. Should I go ahead and marry Mallory?
Worried Blue Boy
Dear Blue Boy,
Sounds as if Mallory is joined at the hip with her mack. Think
Sharon Stone and James Woods in Casino. Robert De Niro got the
shaft! Get out while the getting's good. As for disappointing
your pay pals, you're the one who'll wake up with Mallory. And
yeah, the hook-up with Dubya speaks ill of her skill in Iraq.
My guy Johnny is a lot older than me. No problemo because he's a
swinger and very independent. Or he was until recently. Now he's
a gung ho Dubya supporter. A real gone girdle. Even though Dubya
and crew dissed him in the 2000 primaries, spreading stories
about his mental condition. Problem is, I've begun to believe
those stories. How else to explain Johnny digging the dog who
dumped on him? Even more scary, Johnny seems to confuse Iraq with
Vietnam. Should I move on or stick with my white haired honey?
Straight Talk Express Gal
By itself, the Iraq/Vietnam mash-up isn't a deal killer. Many
people make that mistake. But toss in the dog dig and you've got
big dubya weird. Heavy Mental City. If you truly love Johnny be
his Angel. If not, move on before he forgets who you are.
My new boyfriend Balrok (not his real name) is a political
reformer from Villinoize. A country ruled by a corrupt repressive regime. Balrok speaks perfect English and is ultra suave compared
to the gas jockeys I usually date. Plus he looks totally hot in
swim trunks so I'm sure he'll be good in Iraq. Balrok could be
Mister Right. But one thing bothers me: he doesn't talk much
about his life in the old country. Which makes me wonder if he
was tortured. If so, I want to know so I can help him heal. Would
it be rude to grill him?
Grill away! A gal has a right to know everything about a
contender for her heart. And hey-- even if Balrok comes clean,
don't ditch the pre-nup.
My steady and I have been having an argument I hope you can
settle. Rudy claims deranged squeegee men, hookers, and street
corner drug dealers are pretty much the same as insurgents. And
that his experience with the former on Times Square, equips him
to take on the latter in Iraq. But I say he's wrong because
insurgents can't be shipped to low income nabes in the boroughs,
or to rust belt cities upstate. Which one of us is right?
Quarreling In Manhattan
You both are. Though Iraqi insurgents can't be shipped to New
York's boroughs and boonies, Rudy would be able to spread them
throughout the Mid-East.
My job as sales rep requires me to travel a lot. I have boys on
the side all over the country. Mitt in Mass, Dennie in Ohio, Ron
in Texas, and Fast Eddie in North Carolina. Plus several others
whose names I forget. I'm happy as is, but my guys are pressing
for commitment. Should I choose or keep playing the field?
Kid in a Candy Store
Follow your heart. But don't forget to use protection. These are
Seeking the sword that was broken? For a copy of Good in Iraq:
A Guide to Election Night Bliss send 50 cents and an SASE to
Ask Addie, care of
Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff
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