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Good in Iraq: The Dating of The President 2008
May 8, 2007: Oh gee we're stuck in Iraq. No turning back. Can't give Dubya the sack till 2008. What about our new date? Let's Ask Addie...

Dear Addie,

I've been engaged to my fiancee (I'll call her Mallory) for some time. Marriage seems a done deal. But I'm worried. Mallory's been around the block. She did 2 turns in the people's house with a sleazy squeeze who had a strawberry on the side. Yet Mallory still relies on him for fund raising and political clout. I'm afraid if I marry her, this guy will slink back and redo the do in our oval office. Plus, Mallory rolled over for Dubya in 2002. So I figure she won't be good in Iraq. Still, friends in high places have already paid for the honeymoon. I don't want to disappoint. Should I go ahead and marry Mallory?

Worried Blue Boy

Dear Blue Boy,

Sounds as if Mallory is joined at the hip with her mack. Think Sharon Stone and James Woods in Casino. Robert De Niro got the shaft! Get out while the getting's good. As for disappointing your pay pals, you're the one who'll wake up with Mallory. And yeah, the hook-up with Dubya speaks ill of her skill in Iraq.

Dear Addie,

My guy Johnny is a lot older than me. No problemo because he's a swinger and very independent. Or he was until recently. Now he's a gung ho Dubya supporter. A real gone girdle. Even though Dubya and crew dissed him in the 2000 primaries, spreading stories about his mental condition. Problem is, I've begun to believe those stories. How else to explain Johnny digging the dog who dumped on him? Even more scary, Johnny seems to confuse Iraq with Vietnam. Should I move on or stick with my white haired honey?

Straight Talk Express Gal

Dear Gal,

By itself, the Iraq/Vietnam mash-up isn't a deal killer. Many people make that mistake. But toss in the dog dig and you've got big dubya weird. Heavy Mental City. If you truly love Johnny be his Angel. If not, move on before he forgets who you are.

Dear Addie,

My new boyfriend Balrok (not his real name) is a political reformer from Villinoize. A country ruled by a corrupt repressive regime. Balrok speaks perfect English and is ultra suave compared to the gas jockeys I usually date. Plus he looks totally hot in swim trunks so I'm sure he'll be good in Iraq. Balrok could be Mister Right. But one thing bothers me: he doesn't talk much about his life in the old country. Which makes me wonder if he was tortured. If so, I want to know so I can help him heal. Would it be rude to grill him?


Dear Babe,

Grill away! A gal has a right to know everything about a contender for her heart. And hey-- even if Balrok comes clean, don't ditch the pre-nup.

Dear Addie,

My steady and I have been having an argument I hope you can settle. Rudy claims deranged squeegee men, hookers, and street corner drug dealers are pretty much the same as insurgents. And that his experience with the former on Times Square, equips him to take on the latter in Iraq. But I say he's wrong because insurgents can't be shipped to low income nabes in the boroughs, or to rust belt cities upstate. Which one of us is right?

Quarreling In Manhattan

Dear Quarreling,

You both are. Though Iraqi insurgents can't be shipped to New York's boroughs and boonies, Rudy would be able to spread them throughout the Mid-East.

Dear Addie,

My job as sales rep requires me to travel a lot. I have boys on the side all over the country. Mitt in Mass, Dennie in Ohio, Ron in Texas, and Fast Eddie in North Carolina. Plus several others whose names I forget. I'm happy as is, but my guys are pressing for commitment. Should I choose or keep playing the field?

Kid in a Candy Store

Dear Kid,

Follow your heart. But don't forget to use protection. These are perilous times.


Seeking the sword that was broken? For a copy of Good in Iraq: A Guide to Election Night Bliss send 50 cents and an SASE to Ask Addie, care of

Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff

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Copyright (c) 2007 by Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff. This material may be freely distributed subject to the terms and conditions set forth in the Open Publication License. This license relieves the author of any liability or implication of warranty, grants others permission to use the Content in whole or in part, and insures that the original author will be properly credited when Content is used. It also grants others permission to modify and redistribute the Content if they clearly mark what changes have been made, when they were made, and who made them. Finally, the license insures that if someone else bases a work on this Content, that the resultant work will be made available under the Open Publication License as well.

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